I Think I Suck as an Artist

                                             Photo by RF._.studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/young-artist-sitting-on-floor-with-artworks-3817653/

These past few weeks have been tough. I've been having trouble with feeling motivated to create art. Also, it's been hard to be happy and excited about what I have created. I've also taken on back to back projects, which is great for the growth of my business. I'm extremely fortunate and happy that people have hired me to create art for them. In my excitement to please new clients and make sure my current ones stay happy, I've agreed to deadlines that are kind of on top of each other. Qeue stress eating and say hello to the 5 lbs I had previously lost. 

                                                                                                         Photo by Alex Haney on Unsplash

For the past week, I've been working on an idea for a new YouTube video that was not panning out the way I hoped it would. I've recreated the art for this digital speed painting video about four times now. Each time I was more disgusted than the last. I've been trying to improve my drawing skills and because my drawing skills are not where I want them to be, my art is not where I want it to be. It's demoralizing seeing each failed attempt. On top of this, I'm working on a commission that is not as good as I would like, though the client appears to be happy with the outcome so far (you're your own worst critic...I know). It's just hard to stay positive about your work when you don't even like your work, not even a little.

I'm also not the best at time management. And when I say I'm not the best I mean I really suck at it.  I feel like I'm constantly behind the eight ball.  Not being able to tick off every task on my to-do list really messes with my psyche. 

                                                                                                        Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

I just feel like I'm failing at every turn. Logically, I know I'm not. But sometimes it's hard to convince that other side of my brain. That side that gravitates towards being negative. The side that is overly emotional. The side that can be kind of dramatic. The side that makes me an artist. 

I'm not one to give up, though. Not on things I really believe in or really want to accomplish. Emotions are cyclical. I know that this is just a phase that I'm going through and I'll come out okay on the other end.  I've been here before. I've also been through the phase where I love everything I produce. With that being said, I know it's just a matter of time where I'll be back there again. But for now, I'll take this day to journal, maybe cry a little (nothing beats a good cry down when you're feeling down), and be patient with myself. My logical brain knows I don't suck. My logical brain knows that I'm doing my best. I guess now is the time to let my logical brain take over and give my artist brain some rest. 

Let me know in the comments when was the last time you had to let your logical brain take over because your emotional brain was being a drama queen (or king)?