6 Ways I Deal With My Artist Depression

I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my....well I'm just sensitive. From the time I was a child I've always been "sensitive." If anyone even looked at me the wrong way I would start to cry. As I got older and matured I've gotten a better handle on my emotions. I'm still a very emotional person. When I'm passionate about something I get loud. When I express my inner most feelings to someone I may still shed a tear. At times though, I feel like I can't show my emotions at all. Some of it stems from things I've been told as a child. "You're such a baby" or "Why are you crying?!" 

A lot of my issues are just that - my issues. I worry entirely too much about what other people think of me and whether or not I'm making others happy. I have a perfect picture in my mind of who I should be as a person and what others response to that perfect version of me should be. When my fantasy does't play itself out in reality I'm utterly disappointed (Crazy, right? I know 😭). If I get mad about something I don't want people to view me as "the angry black woman", "the nagging wife", or someone who's holding people to unrealistic standards (which at times I do). I've gotten pretty good at burying away what ever it is that's bothering me and "dealing" with it internally. But the problem is I don't deal with it at all - internally or externally. Instead, the emotions that I haven't dealt with sit there inside of me, rot and fester, and eventually turn into resentment, anxiety, or depression - sometimes all of the above. 

Do a lot of artist suffer from anxiety and depression? Throughout the years mental health has attached itself to the definition of the word "artist." Look at Vincent Van Gogh, for example. The man actually went as far as cutting his own ear off while he was suffering from a mental health crisis. In current times, some people may even point towards the musical genius Kanye West and him being in a bipolar "manic state" as many believe he is. Many artist feel they create better art when they have an emotional storm swirling inside them. My anxiety and depression affects my art in good and bad ways. Some of my paintings were born from dark corners of my mind. Then I also have paintings that emerged like a Phoenix out of the ashes when I was able to find my way out of those dark places. 

"Self Sacrifice" was created from a place of being overwhelmed and not letting anyone know that I was overwhelmed. I was pouring into others from my cup and not refilling it. Therefore, I was sacrificing my happiness for the happiness of others.

"Pink Reflections" was a painting I created after I had stopped painting for several months, though the drawing for this painting was created before my hiatus. I was in a dark space where all I was doing was surviving. I had no desire to do anything else. When I was willing and able to create again I had a strong desire to create something bright and cheerful, something to awaken the visual senses.

There are also those times in between where my state of mind just doesn't allow me to be creative at all. I can't draw. I can't paint. I wake up, go to work, cook dinner for my family, take care of the kids and husband. Only to go to sleep and do it all over again. I allow myself to be in that slump until I'm done feeling that way. Some times it's a couple weeks, sometimes it's a couple months. It's been suggested that I talk to a professional and try "poppin' a pill" but I'm just not ready to take that step yet. For all of you that have taken that step or are considering it, this post should not be taken as medical advice. Please, DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU OR WHAT YOUR DOCTOR HAS INSTRUCTED YOU TO DO. I am in no way against seeking professional help or taking medication. I, personally. have not become brave enough to admit to myself that I need assistance via medication, though I have spoken to a counselor in the past. I have come up with 6 techniques that I use to help pull myself out of the mental slums. Maybe they can be of some assistance to others:

1. Recognize You're in a Negative Space Mentally

As a mother and wife sometimes going through the motions just happens automatically. As women, we're good at driving on autopilot. We may not recognize  that we're even in a depressed state of mind. Take the time to stop and reflect on how you're feeling each day. Are you irritable and snapping at every innocent victim that comes within 6 feet of you? Are you having a lot of negative thoughts about yourself ("I suck as a mom"; "I could be a better wife"; "I'm not a good enough artist")? When I'm no longer motivated to do anything productive and all I want to do is binge watch "My 600 lb. Life" and eat junk food everyday, that's usually a sign I'm sliding down the slope to the land of darkness. There's nothing wrong with binge watching your guilty pleasure TV show on occasion. Vegging out can be good for us every once in a while, giving us that much needed break from a stressful life. Just don't  make that your norm. 

2. Working Out and Eating Healthy

Exercise is an amazing tool! Getting your blood flowing through your body releases those feel good endorphins and makes your brain happy. Sweating gets rid of toxins in your body and that also makes your brain and your other organs happy. Eating healthier is another way to detoxify your body and start it on a path towards homeostasis.

3. Meditation/Deep Breathing Exercises

I'm not sure I do this correctly but it works. Since I have issues with negative thinking and self doubt, I try to take 10 minutes of my day to sit in a quiet place, close my eyes, and practice deep breathing. While I'm doing this I try to clear my mind and only think of a positive statement about myself ("I am worthy"; "I am good enough"). Other thoughts may manage to break the barrier into my mind but I quietly escort them out and refocus. It helps to quiet my mind and slow my anxious, worrisome thoughts so I'm not so overwhelmed with my perceived faults or what may go wrong in the future. These types of thoughts run through my mind on a daily and it's extremely exhausting.

4. Prayer and Bible Reading

Talking to my heavenly father and asking for his love, guidance, and support works wonders for my mental health. Listening to him through his word the Bible enables me to figure out things that I need to work on internally, reveal what I need to do to fix those things, thus making me feel better about myself. Bible reading also helps me to recognize when I'm being too hard on myself. Jehovah has no problem with putting me in check and giving me a realistic perspective.

5. Figure Out What Gets Your Motivation Juices Flowing

When I watch artist vlogs that show the artist building their business it makes me want to build mine. When I see them packing orders I get what I call "entrepreneur envy." I then get into planning mode and start thinking of ways to build up my empire. I may stay in this stage for a while before I actually go into action. But, the fact that my mind set begins to change is what is important.

6. Force Myself to Sketch

Even if it's just a small simple doodle. If I've gone months without creating anything, trying to create some super elaborate drawing is not going to happen. I usually start small and then work my way up. Pinterest is awesome for finding inspiration when I finally have the desire to draw but the creativity still has not kicked in yet. Check out my inspiration board here.

And there you have it...6 Ways I Deal With My Artist Depression. I hope this was helpful for someone out there that may be going through similar feelings. Again, there is nothing wrong with seeking help via therapy. I have gone to therapy before and enjoyed it very much. I stopped going to therapy when I felt that I needed time to apply everything that I learned. I plan on going back in the future. If you feel like your anxious or depressed or both, don't hesitate to seek professional assistance. These are just some tips that can be used in conjunction with getting guidance from a doctor. In addition, some people may also need assistance from medication and that's okay too. No one is ever looked down upon for taking medication for a sore throat so no one should be looked down upon for taking medication for their mental health. I hope this blog was helpful to someone in some way.

***For more information on depression please check out the National Institute for Mental Health website.